Friday, September 18, 2009

Things are getting better

Things are getting better, obviously. I'm not saying that my situation with her has changed at all. But I'm sorta learning to deal with the feelings, in a way. I've written a song that describes my feelings, if you know what to look for. But, lately, I've acted like such a klutz around her. I got a chance to talk to her to return something that she lost, and I just kinda mumbled through it and returned the object to her. Granted, it wasn't a great opportunity to just talk to her, but I still feel like I didn't live up to my potential. Then, LAST NIGHT, I walked outside my dorm, and she was with a group of people, sittiting there, and I had tea, and I felt so nervous that she was there that when I took a drink, I spilled some of it down my shirt! I have no idea if she saw it, but I am still embarassed. I am starting to get the feeling that if I don't try and do something, like try to befriend her, at least, I am going to lose every opportunity to even get the chance to date her. It's slipping so fast, that it will only seem like a memory, and she will be something totally beyond my reach, like I would have no chance in the world....not that I have much of a chance now. But I hold onto my hope, because you never know!

Monday, September 14, 2009

Argh...

Life isn't fair at all. I know that this is probably my third or fourth post saying that, but it's true. It's like what is perfect for me, or what seems to be, is too far out of reach for me. I gained the balls to ask for her friendship on Facebook, which she thankfully accepted. But now I took the time to look at her pictures, and man, now I want her even more than ever. She just seems...perfect in every sense of the word. She's beautiful, sexy, smart, spunky, amazing, quirky, just...ahh. I think about her all the time, but I don't think I'll ever end up with her. I know that IF she becomes available, by some sort of divine intervention, that I'll see her go with someone else, and I'll sit and watch, just asking what could have been, and kicking myself for being so stupid and letting and opportunity like that go... I know myself too well, and I know that's exactly what will happen. I think I am going to give up my crusade, and just let it all go. I'll just go on, and live how I've been living, with regrets, and just asking "Why?'' I don't know, cuz I need to sleep now.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

I'm tired of this crap

There are somethings I just don't get. I talked to one of my sort-of close friends about my girl situation. I sort of poured out my frustration and everything, and we had a good discussion, and I felt better about it. I was thinking about taking some of his advice, when, TODAY, I saw her with a group of people doing the exact same thing I was advised to do. I was obvious that one of the guys wasn't there to play ping-pong, either. It really pissed me off, and I've been distracted the entire night with all of these new thoughts in my head. Is it really worth it, to worry this much? Am I dreaming too much? Am I shooting for the stars? I don't know. I want to find out, but I don't at the same time. I really have no idea what to do now.

Monday, September 7, 2009

My thoughts

You know, life isn't fair at all. I know that's the way it's supposed to be, but I don't understand why. I mean, all of my life I've seen people, including friends of mine, get what they want, whether it's the girl they want, to the car or school they want. Not that I'm complaining about my school; I love it here. This past two weeks I've seen people grow, get into relationships, do something, actually go somewhere. I feel stuck, stuck in a spot that I can't get out of. I feel like I'm trapped in a bubble or a movie theater, just watching everything around me just...go. I feel like I'm rambling, because I am, but I have so many thoughts going around in my head right now, so many feelings and so much confusion, because thing aren't going as well as I would like them to go, and I don't know why. I just want to scream, want to tell someone my thoughts, my problems, but I have no one that I can trust, not really, not here at this school. Anyone that I can really trust lives hundreds of miles away, and they only pick up their phone calls every blue moon, so that's out of the question. I really don't know what to do. I just feel like I''m going to be stuck in this same spot for a while, so I better get used to where I am. I feel like I'm in high school again, and I don't like that feeling. The feeling of the fifth wheel, the feeling of being the odd man out, because I'm not allowed to do things, or I can't make it. I hate it. I am trapped in a sphere that I want to break, but I know that I have to break out of it. I think I am too scared to do that. I want to break out of my shell, but still be myself. I need someone that I can talk to. Really, really badly.

Friday, September 4, 2009

I survived!

Well, the first week of college is over with! Now I know what to look forward to for the rest of the year. I hope I am ready for it. The only thing that pisses me off is that I don't get Labor Day off from school like the rest of the country. Now let life begin and all of the crazy assignments come crashing in, because I am ready for it!

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

2nd Post

These past couple of days have been pretty uneventful. I've had classes galore and band rehersals. But now I can honestly say that I like a girl, and I get butterflies in my stomach when I see her, or am around her. The only problem is that she's dating A HIGHSCHOOLER! Seriously? I mean, it's one thing for guys to date younger girls, like as in a year, maybe two years, younger than themselves. Honestly if you are going to college, chances are that it won't last is you are dating a high-schooler. Those are my thoughts and what has been going on for now.

Monday, August 31, 2009

First entry

Well, since I don't have a journal, this will have to do. I am brand new college student at a junior college in Texas. I started school today, but I have been here for a week already because of band. Band left me exhausted and with a blister on my lip. We have gone through a football game already(Our team won, thankfully). A lot a people I know are already in relationships( one might be in two at the same time, I'm not sure), I don't know how they did that. But school is just starting, so I need to figure out how and when to study well. That's it for now. Later.